Opening Up.

I'm trying not to get ahead of myself here. Trying not to be too proud. As I've said several times before, 'the wheels could fall off of this wagon at any moment' but today is the start to DAY 19 and I couldn't be more thrilled! Never has this been accomplished in my adult life and I feel pretty confident.

This weekend I've made it through happy hour with girlfriends at a brewery and a dinner with friends in the neighborhood. In both scenarios there was casual drinking and there is nothing wrong with that! For me, that has always been a bit of a gamble. Always the one going back for seconds, thirds, more quickly than anyone else or finishing the first bottle well before the evening is over and my party was never over when the party was over. I came SO close to caving at the brewery on Friday. The dialogue in my head was so familiar but this time I was able to rewrite the ending. 

Since having the random/not random conversation with the neighborhood acquaintance last Saturday at our snow cone fundraiser, I've opened up to a friend in my local circle that I felt could relate, even if only in a small way. She lives down the street and stopped over recently to drop something off and left saying 'hey, let's get a glass of wine sometime soon.'  In that brief moment, I thought to respond with an 'OK, that sounds good' not really meaning it also not wanting to feel I had to explain myself, but quickly changed my tune and said 'I'm taking some time to dry out.'  I'm not sure why that has been so hard to say in the past because it wasn't hard and her response was so cool...'awesome, that's great!'.

Shortly after that brief encounter she sent me a Marco Polo (video chat) saying that she was really inspired, had recently come to realize that she and her husband were overdoing it with too much regularity and knew it was time to put it down. Since then, we've chatted several times a day and are both thankful to have an ear and encouragement.  Just now, I asked the question 'how many other moms do we know that are in these same shoes and just don't have anyone to talk to or think it's too big of a move??'.  In being able to speak honestly and openly with some of my closest friends, I am finding warmth and absolutely zero shame. I am really hopeful that with some time and experience, I can help and inspire other moms to call addiction what it is, to not be ashamed and see what it's like to feel GOOD!

I hope that doesn't sound too eager or enthusiastic as I am on the very first leg of this journey (please reread first statement about the wheels falling off at any moment), but I do think it helps to have a dream and a goal.

As for having a dream and a goal, quite often I think about what the future will look like. It is simply too big for me to think about never having a drink again. I'd love to say that I'll share a beer with my kids at a college tailgate one day or a glass or wine or champagne at a wedding but that's not something I can predict being able to control. I can, however, tend to today and make decisions that serve my mind, body, and soul well.